Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Review: REMO WILLIAMS - Still waiting for the adventure to continue



Where do I begin with this forgotten bastard of the Reagan-era?
Executive produced by Dick Clark? Joel Grey in yellowface? Incredibly presumptuous subtitle?

No, I think I'll start with my man Fred Ward, the most improbable face to launch an action franchise on.

Growing up, my best friend Andrew and I were both big supporters of character actor Fred Ward. I'd wager that we were probably the only 11 year olds who had Cast a Deadly Spell on reserve from their local video shop. (Ward as a PI up against the supernatural! A leading role! You don't have a clue what I'm talking about do you?)

Anyway, we came to know Ward as a reliable and comically gruff 2nd or 3rd stringer, a usually bright spot in any cast. He had a certain square-headed handsomeness that the camera loved. But let's face it, he was no Tom Selleck and didn't really fit any leading-man conventions of the time so he tended to embody working class, everyman roles or old-school tough guy types, but always with considerable charm and a slight twinkle in his eye. (I know it seems like I'm speaking as if he's dead, which he isn't, but for all intents and purposes of this blog, he is, what with his age relegating him to dad roles in shitty rom-coms and tv shows.) Perhaps his defining characteristic was his voice, an amazing gravel tone that always sealed the deal. It was the voice of a cowboy, a con, a weekend warrior, an astronaut, a plumber, a cop, a hard boiled novelist. The names of the characters Ward played say all you need to know about the type of career he had: Gus Grissom, Biscuits Touie, Earl Basset, Hoke Mosely

The two aforementioned names saw Ward give perhaps his most indelible performances. As the sewage-sucking Earl Basset in Tremors, Ward sported the deepest of blue collars and brightest of red necks and was the perfect foil for Kevin Bacon's ladies man dreaming of a flashier life in California. As the severely rumpled cop Hoke Mosely in Miami Blues ,he once again counter-balanced the sleek 80's narcissist in Alec Baldwin's unhinged thug. These are two of Ward's best roles, but neither would've suggested that his frame would be a suitable one to hang an action movie franchise on, even a tongue-in-cheek James Bond meets Karate Kid concoction.

And yet that's exactly what was attempted five years earlier when Remo Williams arrived stillborn in theatres with a subtitle suggesting that an adventure had begun and threatening that more would follow.

To give a quick plot summary, Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is about a New York beat cop with a powerful mustache who is mysteriously killed in the line of duty only to wake up in a hospital with his identity erased, his mustache shaved (noooo!!!) and a top secret anti-corruption unit claiming him as their newest agent. Apparently they like his moxie, but not his mustache, which is weird considering "they" is composed of Wilford Brimley and J.A. Preston, both mustachioed-as-fuck. After his new name is chosen at random (from manufacturing titles printed on the bottom of a hospital bedpan, if I recall) Remo is then sent to train with Chiun, a lithe little Korean man of indeterminate years who possesses the power to dodge bullets and beat the shit out of people with dancing feet and his hands behind his back.

Thus we enter into the meat of the movie, which is basically Chiun training his lazy, wise-cracking American protege in the ancient arts of dancing around bullets and walking on water. Remo cracks a whole lot of wise and proves an adept bullet dodger. This then leads to the fairly thin action plot involving a corrupt weapons manufacturer and some lazer gun or something. In between, Remo dangles from the spires of Lady Liberty's crown and learns that Chiun believes American Soap Operas are the highest form of art. The Statue of Liberty set piece is the main draw of the film, featured heavily in the trailer and in the films poster and mirrors a similar scene from the Bond outing of the same year, A View to a Kill, only with the Eiffel Tower instead. The scene is ridiculous, like most things in Remo Williams, but nevertheless uses the monument to cement a spot, however small, in cinema history (Besides Ghostbusters 2 I can't think of any other examples where the Statue of Liberty plays such a central role to the identity of a film.)

Producer Dick Clark and co. purchased the rights to the 20 year old Destroyer series of novels and bet that audiences would devour an American alternative to James Bond, even bringing in journeyman Bond helmer Guy Hamilton to set up the necessary framework. Undeterred by the absolutely terrible name of their presumed-to-be-iconic hero, they went about casting Fred Ward as Remo. For me and my best friend Andrew, this was an excellent decision, for everyone else it was an utter failure. Now of course there's no way of knowing if Remo Williams would've been a hit had the titular character been portrayed by another actor, and I certainly don't mean to imply that casting Ward was the kiss of death for this film. But surely audiences weren't hungry for a 43-year old who'd previously played truck drivers and carny's, suddenly embodying a bullet-dodging super badass. The minds behind the film labeled the intended first installment "The Adventure Begins", banking on a gravy train of sequels. They of course miscalculated.

Ok, but is it any good? Check this out and see for yourself:


Fucking-A, it's good. Did you see those moves? As I've stated above, Remo Williams never had a shot in hell at becoming anything more than a strange relic, a time-capsule-movie revealing just how wide open and un-focus-grouped Hollywood still was, even in the hyper consumerist 80's. But free of any expectations or held-breath for a sequel, it's a totally hilarious (both intentionally and otherwise) left field actioner, and watching Ward play a typical, smirking Fred Ward character inside a James Bond ripoff, inside a west-meets-east culture clash sensei movie is a total blast. Part of this is due to Ward bringing all his grumbly charm to the table and the other part is Joel Grey. Pause. Joel Grey as Chiun.

That's right, Joel Grey of Cabaret fame dons some prosthetics to play the Korean Mr. Miyagi and is hands-down the best part of the movie, perfectly complimenting Ward's perpetually complaining Remo. In one scene, Chiun and Remo trade belligerent barbs before Chiun causally unloads a pistol clip at Remo as he searches the kitchen cupboards for food. With his new found skills of superhuman (or at least Asian) awareness, Remo dances around every shot and fires a shit-eating grin back at his master.

In a parallel universe, Remo Williams continued his adventures and Fred Ward found bigger and badder monuments to hang from.

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